You Complete Me

Help me help you.
Help me help you.

Your waiter isn’t only asking for a complete order because he wants to turn your table. In some cases, he is trying to avoid the wrath of a tyrannical chef. Most of the time, though, he is trying to help you have a better meal. We know you just want to “fire up some appies!” but there is a delicate progression in restaurant kitchens and you should honor your role in preserving that balance. In some restaurants, if we allow you to order appetizers and entrees piecemeal it is near impossible to organize the “firing” of those dishes in a manner where the timing will be right for every table. A restaurant is a complex ecosystem where many parts must work in synchrony to make service go smoothly. Partial orders are a wrench in that plan that can and will often disrupt the equilibrium that is necessary for a restaurant to function properly. It’s no problem if you want to add something to your order in the middle of your meal, just don’t order your courses incrementally. If you are worried about being rushed, express this to your server.

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Split Checks=Split Hairs

CheckPleaseIf you need to divide the check into separate payments, it’s a lot to ask for your server to itemize the bill for everyone at the table. Just provide multiple credit cards and kindly ask him to divide the check in whatever denominations you determine for each individual. You do the math. Or, better yet, collect cash payments in the different amounts from each person and pay in one lump sum–including gratuity of course. It’s lazy to expect a busy server to calculate how much each person owes based on what he ordered, so don’t do it. If you haven’t  worked on a restaurant POS system, then you can’t imagine what a royal pain in the ass it is to itemize someone’s bill when you have other tables who need attention. 

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Olives Or Twist?

Straight up, hold the dairy.
Straight up, hold the dairy.

You should never order or ask for blue cheese-stuffed olives in your martini. Also, when we cringe at you for asking, please don’t try to convince us how good they are.  Cheese, of any kind, in a cocktail is a violation of everything that is sacred in the world.  If you need a cocktail with dairy so badly, order a White Russian. But we’ll still ridicule you in the waitstation. Oh, and we’re not gonna stop everything we’re doing to make you blue cheese-stuffed olives just because we serve blue cheese and have olives, so don’t even bother asking.

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