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Dining Tips

Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell

Your waiter is not paid to be your friend.  Yet so many people feel the need to forge a personal relationship with their servers.  Despite your innocent intentions, soliciting the staff for personal information can be inappropriate if you ask the wrong way.  You do not have a right to know facts about your waiter or bartender just because they are indentured to you for the evening.  The dynamic is a lot like prostitution.  We are paid to act like we like you.  Sometimes we do, sometimes we don’t.  Most of the time we don’t care.  It’s business not pleasure.  Unlike prostitutes, waiters have the misfortune of getting paid after the sex which gives the John a lot of power.  If you want your server to like you, you won’t abuse it.  CantBeFriends

The equation is simple: you have needs, we try to anticipate them.  You are hungry, we can help you get food.  But do you really need to solicit information from us about our private lives?  In theory, you are humanizing us by displaying that you see us as more than just a servant.  In reality, you are intruding in a way that can be dehumanizing by exposing our vulnerabilities and the lopsided dynamics that come along with being your bitch.  Asking about our personal relationships, romantic affiliations, aspirations outside of work, school plans, birthplace or nation of origin doesn’t make us feel like you care.  It only puts us in an uncomfortable situation if we prefer not to answer.  Especially since you haven’t paid.  Until the check is settled, any unsportsmanlike behavior on our part may jeopardize the tip.  Only the most offensive behavior on your part will result in our sacrificing a gratuity for pride.  So, for self-preservation, we may endure your insinuations to protect ourselves from getting stiffed, but you will not get your desired response.  Keep the focus on food and beverage first before you attempt to get to know your server or bartender.  You have a much better chance of connecting with us if you make it a conversation where we feel our autonomy is respected.  Firing intrusive questions our way while we’re trying to work, on the other hand, will make us disengage even more.

Categories
Dining Tips

The Polite Bite

Orchestrating the on-time arrival of the guest’s food is one of the most complicated responsibilities of a server.  To do so, we must make sure the table is properly cleared and reset for the next course which can be difficult if the people seated at the table aren’t focused on the act of eating.  If you don’t finish your food in a timely manner, the chef with anger-management issues will usually blame your server for it.   One of the biggest impediments to the natural progression of the meal is what we call “The Polite Bite.”  This phenomenon usually occurs when the last bite of food on a dish shared by the table is left unfinished because no one wants to be perceived as greedy.  the-last-biteAs a result, the Polite Bite will sit on the table decomposing while the staff struggles to determine whether the next course of the meal may be safely fired.  The server will usually have to impose himself with an attempt to clear the table to speed things along.  Most of the time, a guest will say “C’mon someone has to finish that last bite!”  As long as the standoff continues, your next course will sit under a heat lamp until the table is finally cleared.  It will help your restaurant experiences flow more smoothly if you can train yourself to be more sensitive to the dynamics that are going on around you.  You came to this restaurant to eat dinner.  So, eat!! It’s perfectly acceptable to have an immersive conversation but pay attention to the staff’s efforts to choreograph your meal.  Do your part by eating your food, and we’ll do our part by serving it.