Waiters don’t want to ask about your water preference. We have to. Make it easier for us to establish whether you like tap or bottled water by sparing us the editorial commentary. Replying with “[Insert city] has the best tap water in the country,” for example, is extraneous information that does not concern us. Prefacing asking for tap water with your mayor’s name (ie. DeBlasio Water in New York City) is played out and will not elicit any reaction from your server except scorn. Sharing your ethical attitudes about the environmental impact of bottled water is also a waste of breath. We are working in a restaurant to make money not to save the whales. A simple “I’m fine with tap” will help us move forward together to more important things like alcohol and food.