If you prefer to pour your own wine from a bottle you’ve ordered, indicate this to your server at the outset. Most waiters are not trying to upsell you more wine by keeping your glasses full. Maintaining proper wine levels is a hallmark of good service so don’t make us feel like we are slighting you. Rudely waving your hands over your stemware or repeatedly dismissing us when we are trying to fill your glass is unnecessary. If it bothers you to let the server control your wine levels, politely relieve him of his duties. A good waiter will alert the rest of the staff on the floor to avoid further encroachment. Be warned, though, that refusing service in this regard will often result in the waiter disengaging from your table. It sends out a message not only that you don’t value his services but are probably not the type of person who will tip generously.
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No server should be pouring without asking the customer’s PERMISSION first. Yes, they are paying for the service, so yeah, they get to say what to do and when to do it or how much to pour.
You have some type of control issue if you think you can just pour without asking first.
It doesn’t really make sense for a waiter to ask a table for their permission before pouring wine. When a guest orders a bottle of wine, they are consenting to the presentation and serving of that bottle. It’s appropriate to ask, “May I take your plates?”, but it would be redundant and possibly annoying for a server to ask questions like, “Can I fill your water glass?” before pouring water or “May I place these new settings on your table?” etc., etc.