Never attempt to impress your waiter with your knowledge of food and wine. We are there to help facilitate your dining experience and make you feel more comfortable but we should not be expected to boost your ego. When we drop your black spaghetti, for example, don’t rhetorically ask, “Is the pasta dyed with Squid Ink??” Of course it is. You’re so smart. How did you know that? Most waiters wait tables because they don’t want to have any emotional attachment to their job. We are paid to be nice to you not to be your friend. Go on, tell a story about how you went cross-country skiing in the Alps and drank Gewürztraminer on the Rhine. We will smile and nod but only to avoid jeopardizing our tip by offending you. Many servers know more than you do about food and wine so don’t risk embarrassing yourself by mispronouncing things like Fer-NAY Branca or Mo-AY & Chandon. Spare the server your diatribes about wine and offer him a glass. We promise, then, he’ll be your best friend.